Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him “I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.”
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year" said the shrink. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"Eighty dollars per visit" replied the doctor.
"I’ll sleep on it" I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.
"Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!"
"Is that so!" With a bit of an attitude he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain’t nobody under there now!!!"
A starving boy goes to a wise man and says, “Wise man, I am very hungry I need food.” The wise man tells the boy to trek across the forest and on the other side there will be a bacon tree. The starving boy treks across the forest for hours until he sees a small tree with pigs hanging from the branches. As he goes to grab one of the pigs there is suddenly gunfire and bullets flying everywhere. The starving boy goes back to the wise man and says, “I found the bacon tree but there was gunfire everywhere!” The wise man says, ‘I’m sorry boy, that was no bacon tree, that was a hambush.”